i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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