So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
