i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
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I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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