I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
