after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention