i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.