We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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