the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
