I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?