I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.