May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
