So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
