lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
