i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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