Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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