all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
