What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
