Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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