just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
