meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
