I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
