is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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