is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
