I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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