No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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