If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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