apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
