i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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