the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This house was built for laser tag.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
