do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
