god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
