I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
