You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
