i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
