We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
