Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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