I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize