I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need moral support for this bender
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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