Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The uberlube is also flammable
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
this hospital has no fireball
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
