His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
