Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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