Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
