Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
