I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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