worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory