The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?