i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.