I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
