Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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