but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
