i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
