Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
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I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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