My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
