we're blogging at a bar
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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