She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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