It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
