i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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