Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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