I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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