Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
