waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
