i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize