If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am available for nakedness
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
