It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
