She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
